How to learn from your mistakes and improve your self-talk

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Have you ever heard someone say something totally different to what they actually said? Have you ever daydreamt? Have you ever dreamt at night?
Well, if you answered “Yes!” to any of those, where did that voice come from? Was it the one in your head? Don’t worry, we’ve all got one. Some of us have many, and they can come in very handy.
Here’s the first useful tip for you. In fact, if you ever feel nervous or if you ever worry, or if you ever tell yourself you should have known better, then this will be a very, very useful thing to know. Are you ready?

Did you know that you have total conscious control over that voice in your head?
Did you know that if it nags you or criticises you, you can change its tone of voice to be anything you want. If it sounded really soothing and supportive, would you be more inclined to listen to its advice?
If it sounded really excited and enthusiastic, how do you think you would feel? Try it out now…..In a really critical, harsh voice, say, “That was rubbish, you should have known better”. Next, use a really kind and supportive voice to say “Hey! That didn’t work so well, what can you do differently next time?” Pay attention to the difference in how you feel about those two voices.
You can change the qualities of the voice inside your head. You can make it sound supportive, you can make it sound like a newsreader, you can make it sound like a cartoon character. Any of these will change your emotional state and allow you to benefit from the feedback from your internal commentator. In fact, you can change the qualities of any of your sensory systems to change the emotional content of memories.

Only you can master your self-talk
From a teaching perspective, the voice inside your head is called your ‘Internal Dialogue’. Other people have taken the idea and renamed it “self-talk” and a dozen other things. They all mean the same thing – talking to yourself using the voice that only you can hear inside your head. Of course, some people talk to themselves out loud, but it’s the same thing.
We code our experiences of the world into language, so words are far more than a simple communication medium – they are in themselves models of our experiences and our reality. Therefore, talking to yourself, either inside or out loud, is an important aspect of the way that you understand your experiences. If you find that you criticise yourself when you get things wrong and that this makes you feel bad, just try this really simple exercise.

Learn from your mistakes
Next time you make a mistake and the voice says “that was stupid” or “that was a bad idea” say, in a genuinely curious way, “Thank you! Now, how does that information help me?” You can try any variation on this, such as “Thank you! What do you suggest I do differently next time?”
You will find that the results are quite different to when you just nag yourself. You can make up any form of words that are right for you as long as you follow the basic structure of “acknowledge value” then “redirect to a positive course of action”. You probably already apply this structure when other people offer you criticism – don’t you? It just helps bypass the emotion of criticism and get to the real value – the feedback.
You may say “but this doesn’t apply to me” in which case you should pay twice as much attention. When you’re in a learning environment, some people will beat themselves up for making “mistakes”. You’ll know when they do this from listening to what they say, for example “I told myself I should have known better” or “I said to myself that this was wrong”. When you hear this, you can constructively intervene by helping them change their internal dialogue.

20 questions to find out how assertive and self-aware you really are

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Understanding how you should deal with and judge different kinds of behaviours in different situations takes a high level of self-awareness. This does not mean you have to be a chameleon. It is about considering the outcome you need, recognising that each situation or person may require a different approach, and adapting your style appropriately to achieve a win-win.
The following questionnaire will teach you more about your behavioural patterns, how much assertiveness you currently adopt and therefore where you need to focus your development. 
There are a limited number of questions for you to answer so the result is not necessarily conclusive, although it will indicate your preference, which lends itself to further self-study.

20 self-assessment questions


Understanding your scores
You can now interpret your scores using the following information:

• The highest of your four totals may indicate that this is your predominant behaviour.

• If that highest score is 15-20, this may indicate a particularly strong preference for that behaviour.

• The lowest of all your totals may indicate that this is your least preferred pattern of behaviour.

• If that lowest score is 10 or below, may indicate how infrequently, you use this behaviour.

• If all your totals are low, this may indicate an overall level of passivity, showing a lack of self-assurance and doubt in your ability when answering the questions.

• If assertive and passive totals are close, this may indicate a strengthening of your assertive approach. It shows you are asserting yourself more often, although a predominant passive insecurity influences a retreat to a people-pleasing position.

• If passive and aggressive totals are close, this may indicate a low self-esteem and insecurity, which underlies both behaviours. You may, for example, bottle up emotions and then explode with frustration when you can take no more.  You then feel guilty about your outburst and return to a passive standpoint.

• If assertive and aggressive totals are close, this may indicate an imbalance of your self-expression and a dominant feeling of frustration. As you experiment with your assertion, you may still find yourself shouting or finger pointing when you struggle to get your views across.  This will rebalance the more you practise.

• Return to the three non-assertive question sets and review your 3 and 4 scores. Consider and journalise the reasons behind your scores to those specific questions.

• Return to the assertive question set and review your 1 and 2 scores. Explore what stops you from scoring higher and journalise your results.

• Return to your assertive question set and review your 3 and 4 scores. Acknowledge the situations where you already behave assertively and explore what gives you the confidence to behave this way.

How you can use these results to your advantage
The questionnaire helps you build a better understanding of your behaviour patterns and you can now build on your discoveries.
1. Based on the questionnaire exercise, test out your results over the next two weeks.  Form a more concrete analysis by talking to people you trust about how they see you; notice your behaviours in action and take note of the patterns that are most dominant for you.
2. Explore whether these behaviour patterns are different at work versus at home.  If they are different, explore why that might be and what is it about one domain that produces a more confident behaviour the other?
3. Notice specific situations or people that influence you to react in an unassertive way. What is it about the person or event that provokes that reaction?

6 anti-stress guidelines for managers

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In today’s tough, dynamic, resource-tight and uncertain economy, a company (or organization) needs strong managers to lead its staff toward accomplishing business goals.
But managers are not only leaders. They are problem solvers, coordinators, communicators, cheerleaders, and planners as well. And managers don’t come in one-size-fits-all shapes or forms. Managers fulfill many roles and have many different responsibilities at each level of management within an organization.
When you take into full consideration the full array of duties, roles and responsibilities in leading and managing their units, departments, organizations, etc., one thing becomes clear: business managers and professionals have difficult jobs.
But how can a business manager and/or a professional handle this stressful environment? The “guidelines” set forth in this short article are based on various consulting experiences and sources and may be used when necessary to stimulate us mentally and morally, as a business manager or professional, and then resolve the situation troubling us, with specific actions and activities. Let’s take a look!
Guideline 1: Make the necessary changes with harmony and balance

• Put happiness in its right perspective in your life.

A must-read guide to how, when and how often to apply for an internship

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In our current economy, the “entry-level” professional has been significantly – perhaps negatively – impacted; organizations are running leaner – and must “do more with less”.
As a result, many believe the days of securing a job based on having a college degree alone, without practical experience, are gone. Some would say there is no such thing as an entry-level position anymore; employers are demanding – and hiring – young talent ready to go to work, right now.
This is where internships play a major role in the education process, careers and the workplace.

According to a survey by the Chronicle of Higher Education and American Public Media’s Marketplace, employers strongly prefer relevant experience over academic achievement: